Monday, June 1, 2026
How many times have you asked yourself, “Why is my child acting like this?”
Perhaps you asked them to do what seemed like a simple task. Then, led to a meltdown, or they forgot to do it, or they didn’t know where to start.
Most of the behaviors that frustrate parents happen because children are still developing their executive functions, such as working memory, attention, and self-control.
They’re a set of “hidden” skills that operate in the background, and we often take for granted. Yet they drive everyday behaviors and learning, and shape our overall well-being.
We asked parents in Baltimore County Public Schools what questions they have about navigating everyday parenting challenges. Then we posed those questions to child development experts. We captured their insights and practical strategies for handling these situations in the BrainFutures conversation series, Step Inside Your Child’s Mind.
The series unlocks the brain skills that shape children’s behavior and learning and provides tips and tools parents can use to tackle everyday challenges such as screen time, managing emotions, and getting out the door in the morning.
“When I think about executive function, I think about it almost like an air traffic controller right in the brain,” explained Heather Dupre, LCPC of Still Water Counseling Services.
She has over a decade of experience supporting children, teens, and families. She explained that executive function skills are a collection of different skills that interlock and work together.
Think of an air traffic controller. At any given moment, they’re managing planes landing, taking off, and changing direction. The system only works if someone coordinates it all.
That’s what executive function skills do for your child.
And just like an air traffic controller, when things get busy and overwhelming, it’s easy for the system to break down.
Those moments of defiance when the child says, “No!” may actually be a signal that their brain is overwhelmed or that they don’t know where to start.
And since these skills are interconnected, sometimes more than one skill is at play at any given time – working memory, self-control, and attention.
We’re working with elementary students in Baltimore County Public Schools to strengthen executive function skills using ACTIVATE™, a computer-based cognitive training program.
Their parents had questions about strengthening executive function skills, along with emotional regulation, and how to build healthy screen use habits.
Working memory is your child’s ability to hold information in their mind long enough to use it, and it shows up in ways that feel very familiar. It’s the reason they can hear, “Go upstairs, grab your shoes, and bring down your homework,” and actually follow through.
When working memory is still developing, that sequence falls apart. It happens at home and at school, and can impact learning.
“I like to try to couch a lot of things I do with kids as games, as fun, as enjoyable, because it taps into their other needs as well,” explained Heather.
She suggested these games and activities to strengthen working memory:
You can also create your own games. Heather likes to put a tray of everyday objects in front of a child and have them study it. Then send them out of the room, remove an item one at a time, and ask them what’s missing.
“I like having routines either with words, or images, or both,” explained Heather. “I love a good visual prompt.”
Routines can help prevent meltdowns for both the child and the adult.
“It comes from the caregiver starting out in a regulated place where they’re ok,” said Heather. “I always try to wake up a little bit before my daughter needs to wake up because I can’t be rushing myself and then pushing her out the door. It doesn’t work. It’s meltdown central.”
If you start from an okay place, you’re in a better position to guide the child through the routine by referring to the visual chart or schedule you’ve created together.
Get the kids’ buy-in, so they help design the routine. And prepare as much as possible by picking out clothes the night before and talking through what they’ll wear, eat, and do to avoid morning battles.
And when those battles do occur, because they still will, Heather said she sometimes lets the child fail.
“If it’s not going to mess up our day too much or it’s not going to create any huge issues for them, I let them fail occasionally to allow them to experience small real-world consequences for their choice,” Heather explained.
That’s especially helpful with transitions.
Transitions are one of the biggest triggers for kids. Leaving the house, ending screen time, or changing plans.
Why are transitions so hard? Because they require multiple executive function skills at once. You have to prepare the child’s brain in advance.
Heather suggests role-playing with toys or writing or drawing a social story that shows what will happen and what the feelings will be during certain everyday transitions.
Books can also be helpful for talking about and explaining feelings, and for navigating transitions.
Learn about the books Heather recommends by downloading our resource guide for parents.
DownloadTransitioning from using screen time to turning it off is one of the hardest challenges for parents, and a daily challenge parents wanted strategies for managing.
“It’s finding the sweet spot. If you’re thinking about your child, take into consideration who your kid is. Are they a calm, easy-going child? Are they a little bit fussy? Are they able to sit and wait? When we think about it that way, different kids are ready for different types of content at different ages,” explained Dr. Robert D. Keder.
Dr. Keder is a Fellow with the American Academy of Pediatrics Center of Excellence on Social Media and Youth Mental Health; Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics with Connecticut Children’s; and Associate Professor of Pediatrics with UCONN School of Medicine.
He recommended the American Academy of Pediatrics Family Media Plan to help determine the appropriate amount of screen time, because it focuses less on how much time, and more on what screen time gets in the way of or crowds out.
“You can think not just about the where and when of tech, and what the rules are for your family, but also about a kid’s day and how much time is in a day.
So, we can start with, like, 24 hours, but then you have to think about how old your child is and how many hours of sleep they need. Some kids might still developmentally need 10 hours of sleep a day.
So, then we take 10 hours out of the day and then another six to eight hours out for school and transportation, and then we take out time for dinner and homework, and then that helps us create an individualized plan for how much screen time is available for a kid.”
How much screen time works for your child may differ from that of your neighbor’s child.
Everyone likes a certain amount of autonomy, so make your kids a part of the conversation about healthy screen time.
Spark conversation with these table topic ideas from the Center of Excellence on Social Media and Youth Mental Health “Conversation Starters.”
If your child is asking when they’re getting a smartphone, talk with them about when it might be appropriate to get one.
“We can also talk with kids about how they are trying to level up their own executive functions and responsibility with things like chores and other things. Not everybody gets a driver’s license when they turn 16. So, it’s a little different for each kid in each family context,” explained Dr. Keder. “I think it’s important to help kids understand that you’re making decisions to help show them that they’re working toward growing up. So, instead of making it punitive. I like to think about how we can focus on building it as a constructive pathway. So, in order to give them the path, how about we give them the life syllabus to go, ‘Well, if you want a phone, these are the steps that you need to get to.’”
Here’s the honest truth in all of this – children are constantly watching how we use screens. You can’t ask your child to regulate what you’re not modeling.
“For some families, you might choose to say that we are screen-free at the meal table,” explained Dr. Keder. “That also means as adults we need to be role models for that. And if you’re waiting for a work email or a message from someone who is going to pick up or drop off the kids, that could be hard. So, we have to have those discussions in advance to think about how we want to set up those rules.”
When you make those screen time routines, stick with them. It may not work every day, but that’s ok.
“If you can commit to a routine one or two days a week, that’s amazing. If you end up trying the routine and every day ends in tears, good job. You tried. Slowly build toward what you want.”
Heather acknowledged that we will make mistakes as parents, and that it’s progress over perfection.
“We’re also modeling for our kids what it means to not always get it right. And how do we respond to that ourselves?” explained Heather.
Keeping your cool as a parent can be difficult during a child’s meltdown, especially if they happen frequently. For some children, it may be much more than a screen that triggers them.
“I have to approach my child who may be experiencing a meltdown with a very calm demeanor, so that, number one, I’m not adding fuel to the fire, so to speak. But then it also allows me to make sure that I’m able to exercise good reasoning and good judgment by maintaining and controlling my own emotions. And then I can attend to whatever their need is,” explained Joyce King, LCPC, Clinical Director of iMind Behavioral Health.
Joyce openly shares about years of navigating emotional dysregulation with her own child. She says prevention is the first step to managing these emotions.
Know what triggers your child. If it’s too much to go to a big store, try to avoid taking them along. If they have to join you, bring something to distract the child.
“The meltdowns, we try to get ahead of them if at all possible. If all efforts fail, and our child goes ahead and they have their meltdown in the store, then we want to stop, and we want to really get on their level and attend to them,” Joyce explained.
She knows how hard it is to tune out the peering eyes, second-guessing, and outside opinions. Joyce said sometimes you may just have to leave the store.
“I was very intentional about coming from a place of love when dealing with them. I know that I love my child and want what’s best for them. So, I felt like no matter what the outcome was going to be, I didn’t have to feel guilty because I did my best,” Joyce explained.
One way you can help your child is to teach them coping skills, such as breathing exercises.
“We really want to help teach the skill before they need the skill,” explained Joyce.
So, teach the calming tools when they’re happy, and not in a moment of dysregulation.
Joyce recommends belly breathing or deep breathing.
Do it together with your child. Model it for them.
At home, if there’s an emotionally difficult moment, encourage your child to use the skill and practice it with them in the moment.
Over time, your child will learn to self-soothe.
“Understanding that they actually have the ability to exercise some control over it is reassuring and comforting to the child as well,” explained Joyce.
Breathing exercises can be a daily practice in the home. Parents can model calm, name emotions, practice breathing, and create consistent routines so that when big feelings do show up, the child has something to reach for.
Children need help learning all these skills, and small wins matter. It’ll take time before they can complete tasks independently, stick to a routine, or turn off a video game without falling apart.
A metaphor that’s often used is the scaffolding around a building.
So, if you’re teaching a skill, the parent may do most of the task the first time, talking the child through each step. Then, slowly add small tasks for the child to complete while the parent coaches them through it. The parent gradually steps back, and along the way success is celebrated.
“We’re building it in inches. We’re not building this in miles,” explained Heather.
Give your child the task in bite-sized pieces and start with things they already know how to do, so they can feel that success.
While no parent gets it right all the time, this conversation series offers something more valuable than perfection: a different lens. One rooted in curiosity instead of control, connection instead of conflict, and progress instead of pressure. Because when we better understand what’s happening inside our children’s minds, we can show up differently for them and for ourselves.
Listen to the full series, packed with even more tips and strategies.
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